9 GOLDEN LESSONS I learned about male friendships, and brotherhood
From last 7 years in being part of brotherhood, building a men’s movement, coaching and guiding other men.
1.CONSISTENCY
Show up, or let me know what is alive.
I have had many friends who would jump in and out of my life without ever touching depth, without sharing what is alive in them, or even considering investing a bit of their time and energy into the connection or the container we share.
For me, consistency is not about taking action every day, week, or month.
It is about making that one phone call, sending a check-in, speaking honestly about what is alive in you, the pain you carry, the challenge you face, what you need, or offering the other what he needs.
It is about showing up for another when he is in trouble, or when he is celebrating, if that is within your capacity. Practice honesty and integrity. Say it clearly if you cannot be there. It will not break the friendship.
2.PAIN CONNECTS
Physical pain is healthy, specifically pain from training and competition.
In todays world it is simple, 90% of men never got kicked in the face, or wrestled with another men.
Fear of experiencing that cages you. This is not me telling you to now go and chase fight in the bar, or jump in cage with an experienced fighter. But truthfully, seek sparing, friendly fist fights (use gloves lol) to build that connections and respect with one another.
Look man, I am not a fitness freak and cannot give you too much direction it that path, but I am happy to run, lift and spar with my bros. Even If I lose, I win.
There is also cold plunge, running, conquering the mountain, and much more you can do to move through that pain and suffering together.
3.MASCULINE WISDOM
There is a deep inner wisdom that come online when we as men gather and spend time together. Bring active listening, space holding, honesty, respect and watch the instincts come alive.
Something ancestral awakens when the cultivation of masculine energy happens.
Everything becomes grounded, connected with the fire in the middle, it comes alive and nurtures the spirit of a man.
The space where mind becomes the one who follows, and your balls, gut and heart the one that lead.
You know that you are experiencing this when that signal hits you, it comes like cutting knife, burns like fire but feels so potent and nourishes you. You speak with conviction, clarity, and inner knowing.
4.DEPTH LIVES LONGER
There are brothers you connect with on a surface level, and those you connect with on a deeper level.
The surface ones fade fast, but the deep ones last long.
It may sound logical, but many do not understand that depth needs to be nourished.
Depth calls for honesty, forgiveness, truth, vulnerability, strength, honor, and acceptance.
Depth is about showing up and being human.
No performance. Just two men being men.
5.LET HIM RISE
Celebrate and encourage your brother when he is on amission. Praise him when he faces his fears, walks the talk, and does what he said he would do.
One thing that men do not hear enough is praise or encouragement from their brothers.
"You got this, brother. I know you will figure it out."
"I'm here if you need support with this."
"I trust your heart."
"You are doing good, man. It takes time."
"You are not alone. I have experienced this too. It gets easier."
Sentences like these bring ease, confidence, clarity, trust, action, and faith.
It is healing for men to receive this from other men, but only if it is real and grounded, not performance-based. The difference is felt in the way the words are spoken.
INVITATION
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6.REPEL THE VOMIT
Yes, male friendships and brotherhood are just as much about talking as they are about being and doing.
To speak, receive feedback, offer feedback, listen, and take action if it resonates with you, all of that is valuable. But the action part is vital.
Without action, too much talking can turn into emotional vomiting that drains the connection and the space.
A lot of men’s spaces today fall into that trap, focused only on talking, letting men pour out their sadness in a way that bypasses the real work.
There has to be a healthy balance.
A recognition.
An attuned presence in the space that is willing to cut like a knife and call it out.
7.YOU CAN’T DO IT ALONE
They say Rome wasn’t built in a day.
I say Rome wasn’t built by one man.
It’s good to be capable, strong, smart, and resourceful.
But who can you really call when the storm comes?
Is there a man who would come in the middle of thenight to pick you up?
Is there a man who would make sure your family is taken care of while you are away?
Is there a man who is safe and has the capacity to witness you make a mistake?
If you do not have a man like that in your circle, you are falling short.
This is not a fairytale. This is real life, with real consequences.
Get real. Get a tribe.
8.EVERY MAN CARRIES A STORY
It is easy to think you are the only one who faced specific challenges in life, a rough upbringing, trauma, addictions.
But you are not the only one. You are not special.
All men move through this in some form. Don’t let thatoffend you.
If this feels hard to hear, check in with your ego. This is not meant to make you feel small.
It is meant to encourage you.
To give you ease in knowing that others have navigated similar storms. This is your chance to breathe in new ways of facing what is in front of you.
It is your David vs. Goliath moment.
But it may also be your moment to help someone else, to teach, or to guide.
Who knows what gifts are waiting within you.
9.LOVE ISN’T ALWAYS SOFT
Back in the day, I was afraid of real feedback.
Everything felt hurtful to hear, and that is not what real feedback is meant to feel like. It is not wrong to be afraid of it. But it becomes healing when you receive it from other men, with honesty, presence, and care.
A real brother will call you out when you are not showing up as the man you seek to be, the potential you know you can embody and live.
He will name the responsibilities you are avoiding, the actions you are not taking because of fear.
It is a gift to receive the tough love of a brother.
Not to shame you, but to remind you of who you are.
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