Day 3: Vulnerability is not the answer. Here’s what men really need.
2,000 years ago, 20,000 years ago and today — a man’s reaction to ‘be vulnerable’ would be the same.
When the emotions rise some men explode in anger, some shut down completely, others distract themselves until the feeling is buried alive only for it to return later, stronger and more intense.
I’ve done all three.
When I lost my job and we were forced to move from place to place, I carried so much rage and shame in my body that I didn’t even know who I was.
One moment I was numb, the next I was explosive.
It almost broke me, and it made me question this idea of men being more vulnerable.
I do not trust men should be more vulnerable, but more transaprent.
When calling men to be more vulnerable, their shield rises. It’s not something that is wrong, it’s actually just male psyche and biology following the Godly design of being a man.
If you asked a man to be vulnerable and open up to emotions 2.000 years ago or 20.000 years ago the reaction would be the same.
When a man has a problem or a challenge, for him it’s not just situation.
It’s the wight of responsibility that comes with it, it’s the honorable battle he is about to fight, in his body it’s the same as fighting alongside Leonidas and 300 against Persians.
Pop psychology likes to tell you that’s it’s wrong and we have moved past the time of war. But for a man, his psyche and biology are designed to mature and grow through challenges aka inner and outer battles.
So instead asking a man to be vulnerable, maybe ask him to be transparent.
To be vulnerable for a man means to open up to getting hurt/injured.
To be transparent for a man it means to be clear and honest about what is alive, where he is in life and what he is dealing with.
Here is a little practice for you, if you are a man ask yourself, what feels contracting and what feels expanding for you between vulnerable & transparent.
Now back the emotions.
Emotions are intelligent signals. They are not enemies to fight or weakness to hide (call out to be transparent)
They’re messengers from your biology telling you, “Pay attention.”
Your practice today:
The next time you feel an emotion (anger, fear, sadness, shame) just stop.
Name it clearly: “This is anger.” “This is fear.”
Say out loud: “I can feel this without losing myself.”
Breathe into the sensation for 2 minutes. Don’t try to fix it. Just stay with it.
After you are done, go back to what you were doing and
This is the first step to transforming emotion into strength. Instead of drowning in the storm, you stand in it.
Tomorrow, you will learn how to contain and regulate the charge, so you don’t just “survive” the wave, but actually metabolize it into clarity and power.
Stay grounded brother,
Adrian
P.S. If you are ready to dive deeper, get guidance and support on your journey. Book a CALL and let’s take this to the next level.